Mother:
My mother was very brief in her responses. She said that the closest experience she had with death was that of her father. He died visiting his family in Puerto Rico, which possibly made it even more difficult to handle. He was cremated, but my mother did not seem to care very much about that. She really did not want to talk about the subject; however she mentioned that she wanted to be buried, unlike her father. I never truly understood the differences in being buried as opposed to cremated past the literal differences. What do they symbolize and how do they differ when considering personal opinion or religious aspects?
Grandmother:
Of all of my family members, my grandmother has likely the most experiences with death and the most devastating. She said that the closest experience that she had was with her younger brother, who was fighting illnesses that I am not sure of. She went to visit him in the hospital she said that “I could feel his end nearing as I held him in my arms. He died in my arms and that’s why my baby brother Allen was the closest and saddest experience that I had with death.” She meant this literally, as she was holding him in her arms when he passed.
My grandmother said that she is not sure how she wants to be handled when she dies. She is still debating cremation or being buried. Her main concern is the afterlife. My grandmother has become quite a religious person and she is very worried about her existence in the afterlife. She is Christian and wonders if being cremated will prevent her from having an afterlife. Despite her indecisiveness, she knows for sure that she wants people to remember her and to make a difference in the lives of my family and I. She always tries her hardest to set a positive example and help to make sure that we do not experience the same mistakes as she had.
Analysis:
I still wonder about many things after these interviews, mostly concerning my mother. I am aware that my grandfather sometimes struggled with his alcohol consumption and I wonder if, given that the alcohol issue played a role in his relatively youthful death, my mother had at all resented him because of that. I think at least to some extent that she had, or does. It may not be conscious as I’m sure she may think that she experienced mostly sadness and dread, but she is actually upset that he left her and he is responsible for it.
My uncle also had an alcohol issue. This must have make things unbearable for my grandmother, considering that both her husband and brother died as a result of same issue. Now, my grandmother never drinks. Obviously these deaths have played a role in her hatred towards alcoholic beverages as she has had hands-on experiences with alcohol and how deadly it really can be. Whenever a discussion of alcohol or alcoholism comes up, she refers to it as a disease. It is not simply a choice that one makes, it can easily become more than that. It becomes a disease that eats away at one’s life to a point where it is out of their control. It interests me that she describes the alcoholism this way. I think she may be describing it like this in an attempt to take some of the blame off of her husband and brother for allowing the “disease” to eat away at them. I do not personally understand how an addiction of that extent truly works, however looking from the outside in it seems like people always have choices. The choices that people make determine the path that they set on. One thing that upsets me is that if it was clear that this “disease” existed in their lives, why was a cure not sought out? There are rehabilitation centers to go to and I wonder why either my uncle or my grandfather was ever in one. This is something that to me, could potentially lead to more angry feelings towards them.
*The above two paragraphs discuss aspects of the interviewees lives that I felt were too sensitive or too personal to address with them. They would have likely become to sad or maybe even hostile to give thoughtful answer.
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