HW 47 - Peer Perspectives on the Care of the Dead (THIS ONE FOR COMMENTS)

Anthony Vargas, close friend:
Possibly my closest friend, Anthony Vargas was the first person that I interviewed. He has similar responses to the care of the dead as I had, not having put much thought into the subject either. He said that his parents taught him to respect the dead and that he had one very personal experience with death, which was his grandfather. Being a close friend of his, I was aware of when his grandfather died. He was devastated, as I suspect anyone would be if they were close to their grandfather. Anthony also said that he wants to be buried and have an open casket. He wants to be remembered and for those who love him to be able to see him one last time. I wonder if this is actually good for them or just causes more pain. Although his loved ones will undoubtedly want to see him again, it may just cause them more pain knowing that they will never see him again after that. Then again, pain is just a part of life so it may actually be worth the pain.

Julian Baez, a friend of a friend:
This person is more like an acquaintance to me, I have known him for a while but we are not really friends. He feels that death is not something to be discussed. It is a topic that brings back dreadful, painful memories of loved ones. He likely feels this way being that he lost his mother sometime last year and now lives alone with his father. A lot has changes since parting with his mother, and he seemed to get sadder just by speaking of the event. He also said that his father had gone through a lot of change in losing his wife, which does not surprise me. His father now drinks much more than he used to, and is not home much either. He seems to ignore his responsibilities and an adult and as a father. It saddens me that one death can change so much.

Joshua Barbosa, similar background:
Josh and I are friends and we grew up together, living on the same block. Our families were even close friends. This made it a lot easier to have a friendship. Our families were in very similar situations, his father was not around and I saw mine occasionally. Both of our mothers were very young and very busy, so our grandparents spent most of the time raising us. Things have changed for me however, as I have moved away from the neighborhood and now live with my father. Sadly, the only change for him has been the death of his grandmother. She was more like a mother to him than his own mother. Josh was unarguably the most damaged from the loss than any of the previous interviewees. He entered a depression and even stopped going to school. He felt as if his life was pointless. Just speaking about the matter, he began to stream tears. I decided not to ask any further questions given the emotional breakdown that my peer was experiencing.
I went to his grandmother’s funeral and there was an open casket. This was my first and only time seeing a dead person up close. I was shocked in the woman that I saw. There was so much different about her, she hardly looked the same. There was so much makeup on her and it was not even like I was looking at the person that I remember. In addition to this, being that she was dead obviously took away the cheer that had always just radiated from her. She made people around her happy and it was weird being in a room full of sadness with her there.



These interviews reminded me of how fortunate I have been not to have any people close to me pass away. I cannot even imagine losing my mother, grandfather, or grandmother. It would tear me apart. Despite this, I feel that my family and I would handle the situations differently that the interviewees and their families had. I feel that if my mother or stepmother were to die, my stepfather or father would, rather than allowing the death to eat him apart, somehow turn it into their favor. It would be some sort of motivation to do better in his life, for the sake of their wife. I feel that if my grandmother were to die, I would try even harder in school than I ever had before. I would want to do it for her because I know that she always wanted me to succeed. I would be more motivated.
When it comes to being cared for post death, I would, like Anthony, want to be buried with a closed casket. The closed casket is due to the way that Josh’s grandmother was cared for. I do not want to be seen as something I am not. If it is an open casket, I want it to be all me, all natural. I do not want makeup making me look any different. I do not want to be cremated because I feel that I would be better remembered this way. For my great - great grand children and so on, to be able to know who I was and what I was to them. My views may change however because my being remembered may only cause pain to those that remember me, at least those that knew me. This may make me reconsider what I want done with me when I am gone. I do not wish to be remembered if it is at the expense of another.